CDC Investigating SADS

AP-May 20, 2019

The Centers for Disease Control announced yesterday that investigations are ongoing regarding an unusual phenomenon that has left several thousand people dead internationally.

The first known case of what is now being termed Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS) is believed to have been a 36 year old woman in Cancun, Mexico, on April 23 of this year. The victim was admitted to a local hospital in Cancun complaining of sudden abdominal pain but no successful diagnosis was made before she died the following day. An autopsy showed that the woman suffered massive, simultaneous, multiple organ failure, baffling medical professionals who saw no indication of onset for such a condition.

Since April, thousands of people all over the world have died in the same manner and the CDC has yet to comment on a cause for SADS. A spokesperson for the CDC spoke at a press conference in Atlanta yesterday, saying that investigative teams have been dispatched on 25 different domestic cases of SADS since the beginning of the month, and that reports should be expected by the end of September.

Internationally, the World Health Organization has been issuing warnings about the potential for an epidemic that could arise from the SADS phenomenon but stopped short of saying that the mystery illness is communicable. No cause for the illness is known at this time and no vectors of infection between humans have been confirmed.

In a press release from the White House, the public has been urged to seek immediate medical assistance in the event of sudden, intense pain in any part of the body. As a result, emergency rooms and 911 lines have been operating at or beyond peak levels since last week. Homeopathic health centers have also reported a massive increase in clientele and in orders for supplements. Several dozen entrepreneurs have begun selling "Anti-SADS" breathing masks online and on streets all across the nation. Both the CDC and the WHO have gone on record stating that there is no reason to believe that such masks can protect the wearers from Sudden Adult Death Syndrome.